• Riitta

Looking for Mr or Ms Right to change and fulfill your life?

The romantic relationships between men and women were originally formed for reproduction. Even nowadays it still acts as the underlying need to find someone special. It’s an inbuilt primitive, unconscious instinct. The biological "tic-tac" we hear and feel at some point of our lives.

We of course do have the right to decide whether we want to have children or not; it’s our birthright to use our free will to decide and choose what we want to experience in our lives. We are not all built to be mothers or fathers and there's nothing wrong with it! It still doesn’t change the fact that the instinct, which has been with us since the beginning of humankind's journey in this planet, exists to secure our continuity (and survival way back in human history). It also represents one of the most powerful expressions and ultimate results of our ability as powerful creators: we can create new life!

Today, in our modern society, we often interpret our need to find someone quite differently and in various ways. It’s generally accepted and sometimes even admired to strive for a rich partner and so enable a life with financial freedom for ourselves. A good-looking partner is considered to be a "good catch". Or we can feel better about ourselves, boost our self-esteem by having someone who gives us the kind of attention we hunger for; someone who talks and acts towards us in a way that makes us feel we are the most beautiful, wanted, admired and intelligent person in this world.

We might even act on the pressure of the common opinion that it's not "normal" to be alone, that it equals the feeling of loneliness - which by the way are two completely different things! - and that not sharing our lives with someone is somehow pitiful... because the surrounding world sees failure in us, that there is something wrong with us.

We want our needs to be met, our need to get acceptance and power (or whatever we want to have in our lives) with the false interpretation of the feeling of empowerment: someone will give it all to me.

Don’t get me wrong... If you want more money, you need to go for more money. Or if you want to feel better, you really deserve to feel better!

Those are all valid and important things to strive for, but you need to understand that YOU are responsible of your finances or how YOU feel about yourself. That it all can come only from within and anything coming outside of yourself, is just a temporary patch.

If you rely on someone else to change your life, the real reason for any of your financial or any other problems or insecurities will continue to lie within you and will inevitably pop out again sooner than later - whether you are in a "perfect romantic relationship" at that point or not. But if you are in a relationship, you will most probably end it… Because you'll think your partner didn’t deliver!

When you seek for a relationship from the place of ”If I only had someone to change my life, to fill the emotional void” or ”If I only had someone to love me I’d feel much better about myself”, you are seeking more of what you actually want to get rid of! You are sending out a message of ”Someone fix me, come and fix my life, my emotions, my problems”. And what will you get as a result? A fix. A temporarily patch.

We create our lives from inside out, it can never be done outside in. You - and only you - have the power to change and re-create how you feel (also about yourself) and how your life looks like.

That’s one of the biggest reasons why so many relationships don’t last. That’s why the both parties will just end up being unhappy. That’s why there is really nothing real and lasting to offer to each other; the other party (or sometimes even both parties!) of the relationship is the needer and the other the fixer or the savior.

Any change for you and your life must be created by you. You need to re-create yourself and your life first and then you can attract and select a truly magical partner; a mutually empowering relationship for the both of you.

This problem quite often starts already at an early age. "I blame Disney". Many of you have heard that sentence before. I grew up with watching Disney movies like "Sleeping Beauty" and so did my children. I believe that Disney wanted to give hope and dreams to children (and adults as well) because his own childhood was not a happy one.

But... just hoping and dreaming is very disempowering as they hold no action towards achieving those dreams. The problem in the Disney fairy tales is that there is always a fairy godmother or a prince on a white horse – some other person - that will make all the main character’s dreams come true. The main character needs to do nothing (except being the perfect expression of a beautiful, positive and kind person – no matter how she allows other’s treat her), and everything she could ever hope for will just magically happen: the romantic relationship with a prince who has perfect outer and inner qualities and who was ready to do anything to save her from her rotten life, admiration, gorgeous lifestyle and half the kingdom.

We all, of course, know that's not real life. No-brainer... and still we kind of act as if it is when we expect someone to give us what we want and need - or fix our life and being! Knowing and acknowledging how we - ourselves - are the powerful creators of our own life’s circumstances, i.e. what we want to be/do/have, is true power and happiness. Carrying that responsibility gives us the power to make any change become reality - with lasting results... and will build a firm ground for the kind of lasting relationship we actually want: even and equal exchange of what both parties want to experience in the relationship.

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